Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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