I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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