CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
