I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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