You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
