do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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