Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I can text with my tongue
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
