need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sponge bath it is.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
