if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
