Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
