if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
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