is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
