Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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