Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
should my penis look like a turkey
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
