So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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