dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
