Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like eating out sand paper
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
no more duck duck goose at the bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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