She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
