Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
