I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You were trust falling into bushes
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
