its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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