Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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