u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
