it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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