She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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