I hope mine doesn't look like that
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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