Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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