I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
