you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
