i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
