saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How's work?
Spinning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
