you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
