well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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