I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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