Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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