ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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