I want to stick my p in your. b.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
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Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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