He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
