member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
