Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
