sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
