I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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