it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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