I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
