U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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