Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
