It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize