I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
