We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
