so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Dicks are not precious.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
