So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
