i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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