It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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