Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
