I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
