She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
