There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Randomize
