I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Less talking, more tequila
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
