It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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