"it" just moved
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
