If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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