i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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