the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
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It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
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Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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