atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
