he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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