So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
