You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
