Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
