Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
