Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This is the high leading the old right now
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
