I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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