I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
