what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
