The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
