it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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