don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
