my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize