i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
