Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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