yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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