I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
