Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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