It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize