he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
