Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Less talking, more tequila
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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