totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
