I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
