Apparently you make a good broom.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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