ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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