some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can you bring me the toilet please
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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