The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
