That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
